dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
