I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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