Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
