wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
