your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
