Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
