i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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