I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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