i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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