After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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