hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
