I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
