Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
wanna go halves on a baby?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
