love makes seman taste better
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
