You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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