What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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