Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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