So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
