In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
