It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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