He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
