Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
