the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
