FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
