why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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