I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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