I like my sex mixed with concussions.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
