He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
