if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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