OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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