I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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