Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
