well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My cat gives me a boner
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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