Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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