Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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