i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
