fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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