Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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