no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
