Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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