my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
