My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
