I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
