i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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