One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
