This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
