Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
