we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
