If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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