When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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