Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You ruined the universe
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
